“And time is a curious thing. Most of us only live for the time that lies right ahead of us. A few days, weeks, years. One of the most painful moments in a person’s life probably comes with the insight that an age has been reached when there is more to look back on than ahead. And when time no longer lies ahead of one, other things have to be lived for. Memories, perhaps.” A Man Called Ove by Fredrik Backman
Once upon a time – I was a young hottie, who had extra money to buy a $200 Alice & Olivia ‘Well behaved women seldom make history’ T-shirt (that faded in a month).As I write this, I am struggling to find $210 to buy my Sulwhasoo renewing serum (one does not compromise when it comes to skincare). Anyhow, I was once a youngin who traveled to a foreign country with only $100 to my name because I liked a boy. Tell you what? I spent that trip with a growling stomach because you’ll never catch your girl asking money from a boy. Senseless were the decisions made in my early 20s, and still, those were some good years. Je ne regrette rien.
Once upon a time – I chose to live in a new country. I chose to leave my uncertain situationship, my wonderful friends, and my comfortable routine behind. The situationship was a burst (no surprises there; what do you expect from uncertainty?) My friendships survived the distance. I gained more than I lost. That decision to stay in the unknown was worth it.
Once upon a time – I was scared to write a book. I told myself, ‘you’re not the best writer and you will be laughed at.’ How am I going to expose my mind to complete strangers when I can’t cry in front of my people? Still, I threw caution to the wind, peeled myself away from fear, and wrote the book. What did I have to lose? Nothing. Therefore, I made the decision to write for myself, and that book led me to the love of my life.
Once upon a time – I was scared of being a mother. Let’s think about this logically: Your body is going to change in ways you cannot imagine. You have no control over what this child will grow up to be. No mother on this earth thinks their child will be a terrorist, you know? It’s Russian roulette out there, and the stakes are high. Therefore, why would anyone in their right mind want to play this ‘bring a baby into the world’ game? Did I mention the sleepless nights? Or how your heart is in your mouth every time they jump off a chair? Tedious little things. Love isn’t logical, you see. Here I am, smitten with my tedious little boy, and I truly cannot imagine a life where I existed and he didn’t. Saggy stomach? Yes. Sleepless nights? You betcha. Still, he is one of my best decisions in life.
Now one thing about life is you can count on it to be constantly inconsistent and this requires us to be brave. It comes with different seasons and the decisions we make in those seasons are often appreciated retrospectively.
The season of YES.
In this season everything will go well for us. The skin is skinning, the bank account is mathing right. The boy/girl you like reciprocates your feelings. Life is good, and you’re THAT baddie. I hope you will recognise when you’re in your season of Yes aka ‘favour ain’t fair’ season. This is the best time to apply for that USA/UK visa. You won’t need to produce your ancestors blood sample because everything is working for you and not against you.
The season of DESPAIR.
Sometimes, life is cruel in a way that things are decided for us and we take absolutely no role in that decision making process. No one wants to lose a loved one. No one begs for sickness. Life can sometimes be a squid game, and we are all just players who take turns camping at rock bottom. Losing a job, losing a loved one, the end of a long relationship, and more rotten lemons. This season makes us feel hopeless because life’s manual is missing pages on how to expeditiously deal with hopelessness. I know this is almost laughable but lean into this season. Be angry if you want to be. Cry it out of your system. Pray even when you do not know what to pray for. Embrace it. Do not try to prematurely escape this rock bottom because whatever you don’t deal with, is only rescheduled for a future time. Take time to heal. Do not attempt to live life with open wounds. I cannot think of anything worse than randomly bursting out in tears on a bus filled with tired commuters due to unresolved grief and trauma. You owe it to yourself to find healthy ways to heal and discover what’s on the other side of grief.
The season of CELEBRATION.
This has to be almost everyone’s favourite season. C.E.L.E.B.R.A.T.I.O.N—queue Kool & the Gang. I am big on this. In our household, we celebrate literally anything. Baby has won the constipation battle and finally made a big poop, that’s a reason to celebrate. Got a great parking spot? Best believe we will celebrate. People who regularly practice gratitude tend to have more good things happen to them than ingrates. Life is funnily fair in that way – what you often give is what you will receive back. For if we fill our daily lives looking at the small wins, our life will be lined with pockets of random joy that when despair knocks at our doors, it doesn’t take permanent residence but moves on ever so swiftly to the next door. You know what? Keep a bottle of champs for a random Tuesday celebration.
While we navigate life and its different seasons, let’s confidently make decisions that will bring us great memories to look back on. It is done in vain to double guess your decisions. What if I had chosen that instead of this? What’s the point of ‘what if?’ The only way to find out what the other choice could lead to, would have been to make it. You didn’t because there’s opportunity cost at play. Therefore it’s pointless to go down that ‘what if’ rabbit hole.
Once upon a time – you were younger. You were afraid to stir the pot. You chose different from the norm. All those times you made the decision to be brave with your one life has led to where you are. I hope you’re living proudly in those decisions and when time no longer lies ahead of you, may your memories be worth living for.
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